IM WHAT!
by violetstar198
Summary: Dean is still clammed up after their dad dies, and Sam is worried as hell. When Dean finally has a breakdown that leads to some very big changes between them, will they be able to handle the consequences? or will they crash and burn? WARNING:INCEST
1. Ch1 The way it all began

_This is my first ever Mpreg and contains my firstly written sex scene (not counting Right and Wrong because i dont wanna count that as my first sex scene D: [if you've read it you know why]) Anyways i have up to the fifth chapter typed out but i'll set up an updating schedule to keep me on track :3 i'm thinking every weds? what do you guys think? I'm open to any and all suggestions :D So if anyone who reads this has ever written Mpreg before, would you mind sharing any tips? lol i'm gonna need them i know it. So i could have made it shiny for you guys but i dont have much time (i need sleep) so i couldnt D: so i apologize if the quality is a bit suckish. I also apologize in advance, i had my whole time line of events that happened in the show all out of order and you may not notice it but i kinda do so . Now that that's all done i guess i have nothing else to say! Enjoy!~_

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They were in Illinois, and they had just finished a traditional salt and burn. Dean wasn't letting them stop hunting and it was taking its toll on Sam. There were only so many sleepless nights left in him, and even that number varied depending if a hunt decided to go sour and they ended up getting hurt. Thinking about how tired he'd be and then having to worry about Dean or himself getting hurt, and being too tired to see straight let alone clean themselves up, was driving him up the wall with worry. Sam has had way too many of these nights lately, and he wanted to put his foot down. He wanted to confront Dean and make him deal, but sadly this was Dean's way of dealing and really? Sam didn't think he'd be able to help this time. If he forced himself on Dean, then Dean would merely respond to that by clamming up tighter and forcing themselves into many more hunts. But now? He was going to make sure he got a say in something.

"Dean," even he could hear the 'let's talk' tone in his voice, and he cringed inwardly, but didn't take it back.

"Not now Sam, I think I found us another hunt in Davenport, Iowa. If we leave now we can get there in two days tops." And with that Dean closed the laptop and moved around the room packing up various items lying about.

Sam felt like crying, he was so exasperated at how his brother was acting, but it made his heart hurt because he knew it meant his brother was in pain. And this time, he didn't know how to handle it without making them fight, and he didn't want to fight, not when he knew it might mean Dean storming off and leaving; or him for that matter, because it would only make things much worse. So Sam just stood there, watching as his brother finished packing his bags and handed Sam his, brushing past him and walking out the door. Sam stood for a few more seconds, getting his emotions under control, and with a sigh, he went out and followed Dean to the Impala.

They had been driving for hours, and even Sam was having a hard time staying awake, but Dean showed no signs of stopping, which meant he wasn't going to sleep soon. So Sam blinked his eyes a few times and sat up straighter, making himself stay awake. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean monitor his movements, watched the frown deepen on his brother's face, but Sam just moved his gaze back to the fast passing road and ignored him. After several more seconds of silence, Sam heard Dean sigh, and watched as his brother steered them off the freeway. And when they pulled up into a motel parking lot, Sam smiled inwardly, so his brother wouldn't see, and gave himself an imaginary pat on the back for his unintentional victory.

Silently his brother got out of the car, and walked up to the front office. Sam just slumped in his seat, he won, and now he was gonna let the tiredness seep in and consume him. He was already half asleep when his brother walked back out and got back in the car. In his sleepy state Sam momentarily panicked that Dean would just drive back onto the freeway, but then his brother parked again, and shook Sam slightly.

"Come on Sammy, I got us a room." Sam peeked open an eye and felt a ridiculous rush of joy that his brother had called him 'Sammy'. He hadn't done so in days, and he sleepily saw this as a sign. But right now all he did was grunt and barely opening his eyes, he nodded and got out of the car. Dean was way faster than him, by the time Sam got out of the car; Dean was already pulling their bags from the trunk and heading to their room. When he opened the door, they walked in and Sam went straight for the bed, ignoring the fact that there was just one, and throwing himself on it. He wriggled around a little bit, until he found a nice soft spot, and immediately fell asleep.

Dean sat their bags down and turned around, seeing his brother spread out on the bed and snoring lightly. He must have been really tired; Dean felt a rush of guilt sweep through him. He knew he was pushing his brother to his limit, but if Dean allowed them to have a break, even for just a few days, his brother would want to talk. And Dean wanted to do anything but talk, Sam had already tried earlier, and it freaked Dean out. He knew that sooner or later he was going to snap, something would happen or Sam would make him talk. 'Cause the stubborn bastard wouldn't give up; Dean looked down at his baby brother fondly, the only expression he'd worn for awhile. He sighed deeply and sat down by Sam's feet. Feeling the movement, his brother mumbled something and rolled over. Despite himself, Dean smiled and felt the fatigue that had been pushed at bay rush through every vein in his body. He felt his eyes drop, and began working on undressing his sleeping brother. He pulled off his boots and socks, and undid his jeans, ignoring any weird thoughts that flittered into his mind. He pulled them down and pulled his shirt off, slowly and carefully because Sam's eyelids were starting to flutter.

When Sam was down to his underwear, Dean pulled the covers over him. He stared at Sam's sleeping form for a few minutes before going to sit at the small table in the corner. His head fell into his hands and he tried to clear his mind, make it blank and make himself not think. It had worked all the other times, so of course would be the time that it didn't.

He needed a shower, he needed to make himself relax for a second, make himself not think. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it and turning to face himself in the mirror. He stared at his face, how he had purple bags under his eyes, his eyes slightly red, and his face pale, making his freckles stand out. He glared at himself in disgust and turned away, stripping himself of his clothes as he stepped into the shower. He turned the water all the way to the left and stepped in, not even feeling the water as it hit him. He was a statue, just standing there and staring straight ahead at the white of the stall. He closed his eyes, and leaned his forehead against the wall, and soon the darkness swallowed him, and for once, he thought nothing.

He wasn't sure what had wakened him, but he was up now. He turned over and noticed that Dean wasn't in the bed next to him, dread filtered through him and he sat up quickly. He looked around the room and noticed that it was missing one thing: Dean. Then he heard the shower running and he let out a breath, but the sense of dread didn't go away. Slowly he got out of bed and ignoring his state of undress he walked over to the door and knocked.

And knocked.

And knocked.

When no answer came to him, panic swept in and he started to pound on the door.

"Dean, open the door!" he bellowed in panic, no answer came to him, and he knew he would regret it, but he kicked down the door. His foot pounded in agony and he wanted to yell in pain, but he pushed himself through the doorway and flung the shower curtain open. He nearly passed out at the sight.

Dean was curled into a ball and his lips were blue, he was shivering and paler than ever. Eyes widening, Sam grabbed his brother and flinched at the icy feel of his skin, and of the extremely freezing water. He turned the water completely off and hauled Dean out and into the room.

Laying him down in the bed, Sam rushed over to the thermostat and turned the heater on full blast. The room began to warm up almost immediately and he was relieved that for once they found a motel that had working appliances. He ran back to his brother and threw all the blankets on him. He lay down beside him and enveloped Dean in his arms.

He could feel Dean immediately react, his brother sinking in closer to his body heat. Sam started to rub his hand up and down Dean's arms trying to get the blood to flow. He didn't realize he was crying, his heart was clenching painfully and his entire being consumed with the desire to make Dean warm again. He didn't know how long they were lying there, but after awhile Dean's eyes slipped open and he looked around in confusion.

"Sammy? What are- how did I get in the bed?" his brother rambled on confused, and before he could even think about what he was doing Sam kissed him. It was just his lips against his brother's, but he was just so glad that he was ok, so glad that he wasn't going to die.  
When his eyes flung open in shock at the realization of what he had done, his hazel eyes met Dean's deep green ones. They stared into each other's eyes for so long, panic running rapidly through Sam, but his brother smiled slightly and tilted his head again, bringing his lips up to Sam's. And it didn't take long for the kiss to get heated. Dean licked Sam's lips, pleading for entrance and Sam let him in. Their tongues intertwined and slid against each other, making Sam whimper. Dean flipped them over, so that he was straddling Sam's waist.

They didn't talk, not once, as Dean's hands roamed over Sam's hard muscled chest. His fingers tweaking Sam's nipples; making him arch up into his touch. Dean broke their kiss with one last sweep of his tongue and lowered himself to take in a hard dusty brown nipple into his mouth. Sam could only gasp as he slid his fingers into Dean's too short brown blonde hair. Dean licked and sucked on it, using his teeth for a few seconds before moving over to the other one.

Moaning now, Sam bucked his hips against Dean's, their erections rubbing up against each other's. Dean moaned and ground his bare cock into Sam's boxer covered one. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, Sam bucked up as his brother ground down. Both moaning and panting, Sam vaguely registered his brother's hand stroking down his stomach. He felt Dean's hand slip into his boxers and grip his weeping cock, and then thought process seemed pretty stupid after that. Barely aware of anything aside from the sure and steady strokes of his brother's callused hand. And then Dean grabbed both their dicks in his hand and stroked twice, leaning down and kissing Sam again, and right as Sam felt his balls tighten, his brother stopped. Whimpering Sam bucked up, trying to get Dean to finish, but Dean just laughed slightly and lowered himself spreading Sam's cheeks.

"What are you- OH GOD!" Sam threw his head back against the pillow as Dean's tongue licked a wet stripe across Sam's puckered hole. It didn't take much for Sam to be writhing and barely restraining himself from shoving his hips down on Dean's face, because really; the things that Dean's tongue was doing should be illegal.

Sam was moaning and whimpering and pleading with Dean. Pleading what though, he wasn't even sure of at that point. Then he felt a finger press up against him alongside his brothers wet pink tongue, and Sam moaned and pushed his hips down. Dean smirked and slowly pushed his invading finger inside his brother. Impatient, Sam started moving his hips slightly, wanting more.

"Dean please, please," he pleaded over and over, until his brother added another finger, then another and at that point Sam was fucking himself on his Dean's fingers.

"Please, Dean, god fuck me already." And Sam opened his eyes he hadn't realized he closed and saw his brother's eyes were wide and dark, barely even a distinguishable color of green, a predator like glint shining brightly in them, as he reached down by the floor and rustled through his bag. When he came back with a bottle of lube, Sam just leant back and watched through half lidded eyes, as his brother slicked his red weeping cock up and motioned for Sam to turn over. Sam didn't need to be told twice, and he quickly flipped himself over and stuck his ass in the air, shame thrown out the window as he moaned wantonly.

Dean's eyes screwed shut at the sight of his brother. He fought the urge to just shoot his load all over his Sam's wide tanned back, and positioned himself behind his brother. He leant forward and placed a kiss between Sam's shoulders, one hand on Sam's hips while the other guided his cock into his brother, slowly slipping in.

Sam gasped and his head fell forward as he felt his brother's cock slide inside him, he could feel his muscles stretching to accommodate his brother's length, and it felt so damn good. After a few seconds he decided that Dean was going way to slow, s he moved his hips backwards, sliding down the rest of Dean's cock, causing the both of them to moan in unison. Dean's hands tightened and he vaguely thought about bruises while he tried not to thrust back, trying to let Sam adjust. But Sam had other ideas, and he started to move himself up and down Dean's dick drawing a growl from his brother as Sam's face was pushed into the pillow and his brother let loose. Thrusting into Sam like his life depended on it, and when he hit that bundle of nerves Sam let out a cry and started matching Dean thrust for thrust.

Sam was pretty sure the things he was moaning weren't words, but they spilled out of his mouth and he couldn't have cared less. Because who cared if 'Uhn!- Ngyah!' wasn't a word? Dean apparently cared, though. He loved that he could make Sam unravel like that, and deliberately hit his brother's prostate head on, until Sam was moaning and muttering and trying to hump the mattress to get friction on his abandoned dick. But when Dean reached a hand around and pinched one of Sam's nipples, Sam cried out, jerking and moaning as he came all over the sheet, coating it in white ribbons. And Dean felt Sam's inner walls tighten and it only took a few more thrusts before he was moaning Sam's name and spilling into his brother.

Dean didn't know how long they stood in that position, Dean's soft cock still lodged deep in Sam, both of them panting, trying to catch their breath. But somehow, Dean slipped slowly out of his brother and lay down next to him. When they were both breathing normally and their hearts slowed down, and Dean started to come down from his orgasmic high, he realized what he just did.

_Shitshitshitshit- What the HELL did I just do?; k_ept repeating over and over in Dean's head, a panicked mantra.

Sam though, didn't seem to be freaking out about the fact that his big brother had just finished screwing his brains out not even a few minutes ago. He just curled his large tanned body into Dean's and nuzzled his head into the crook of big brother's neck.

"Love you Dean." Sam muttered sleepily, and Dean could feel his gaze softening already.

"Love you too, Sammy." he whispered. He could freak out in the morning because right now he just wanted to feel Sam's warm body in his arms and sleep. So he let his eyes close, and laid his head lightly on Sam's, his brother's too long hair tickling his cheek. And he fell asleep listening to Sam's steady breathing, and loudly thumping heart.

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_So what do you guys think? Did you like it? love it? or not really like it D:? Review please! i know everyone says it but it helps to know what you guys think! 3_


	2. Ch2 I love you so much

_Wow, your reviews were awsome! thanks ^^ this fic got way bigger of a hit than i thought it would! thanks to all those that read this and plan to follow it, thanks to those of you put this on alert, who favorited it, and who took the time to review; you guys really make me happy :D As your reward i am posting this chapter in all of its edited glory, and i can't wait to hear what y'all think of it! Enjoy!~_

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He couldn't stop staring. Every time he thought he should stop, Sam moved or twitched or _breathed_, and his attention was drawn back immediately. He was getting lost in his own marveling, mapping out the entirety of his brother with his eyes. His hair that Dean loved to run his fingers through was all over the place, fanning out over the pillow; his smooth, tanned, and scarred skin; the muscles that were practically rippling off of his body. He was beautiful, and he couldn't help it when his hand reached out on its own and lightly traced along the muscles that defined his brother's stomach. Sam sighed happily and moved in towards his touch, making Dean smile; a miniscule turn up of his lips. He lay back, counting the cracks and the stains that littered the expanse of the ceiling.

He had fucked up big time. And god the feelings brewing inside of him were overwhelming his entire being and he didn't know what to do; guilt and the horrifying reality that he just slept with his brother… and liked it. He didn't know how he was supposed to react, act on what he felt was right, or act on what he was told was right? He was torn so badly between the two that he felt ripped in half.

He'd wanted this for such a damn long time but he knew that he would never be able to have this. Sam lying in bed next to him, body curled up close, more intimate than just having to share a bed because all that was left were the single bed rooms. He never let himself try and achieve this sick fantasy; he didn't want to force his brother's hand because Sam thought he had to, to keep Dean happy. But that was exactly what Dean had done, he'd forced Sam into this, and Dean was so sick with himself that he thought he might throw up. He'd made his little brother commit an ultimate sin, now not only was Dean going to rot in hell, but he'd be dragging Sam down with him.

The reality of it all hit Dean like a blow to the stomach. All he had ever wanted to do was protect Sam; that had been his job ever since that horrifying night nearly twenty three years ago. _Protect Sammy_ had been drilled into his brain until it was all that Dean had known, constantly watching over his little brother and trying to get closer to him in ways that would never be considered normal. He'd violated that innocence now, and Dean didn't know when _Protect Sammy_ became _God Sammy let me fuck you._ Dean shook his head, hand tangling in the short strands of his hair, bile rising up in his burning hot throat. If he pretended that this never happened then everything can go back to normal and that was his final decision on how to handle this fucked to hell situation. Sam didn't even want this –_God_ Sam _couldn't _want this, he couldn't, because that would mean Dean had fucked up his brother's life even more than he thought possible- so he should feel relieved that this won't have to happen again. And even though the thought of never experiencing that sickening heavenly bliss ever again made his stomach twist into confusing knots of loss, he knew he couldn't let this get any more out of hand, so he ignored the sick feeling and slowly disentangled himself from his sleeping brother. When Dean was safely out of the bed he padded over to the bathroom, shivering as his feet came into contact with the cool –stained- white tile.

This time he left the door unlocked and he took a warm shower, needing to get some form of feeling back into his numb body. He stood still under the spray of the shower head, mind blank from any form of the emotions that had been brewing so strongly not mere minutes before. He twisted his face up to the warm water, letting the droplets slide down his face, dripping onto his chest and continuing their journey downwards. With a sigh he twisted the knob, letting the shock of ice cold water run through his body, before turning the knob back to the middle, turning it off. He grabbed the towel hanging over the pole above his head, the rough material of the hotel towel scratching against his skin as he dried himself off. He peeked his head out the door, checking that Sam was still asleep, and when he was sure, he stepped out, quickly going over to the bags thrown haphazardly on the table. He found his clothes in record time and slipped them on, the soft material of the shirt was soothing in a way Dean had no idea how. Not dwelling on the fact, Dean gazed at Sam's sleeping form for a few seconds before he grabbed his keys and went out the door.

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He knew without opening his eyes that Dean wasn't in the bed anymore. He could no longer feel his brother's warm body, and when he opened his eyes he saw the empty rumpled sheets where his brother should have been. The bathroom door was wide open and he saw that it too was missing Dean. He shot out of bed and felt his panic rising to high proportions. What if Dean had left? But a quick glance to the table where both their bags still lay, told him that Dean hadn't left him. He had only gone out to get food. Sam chuckled at himself, self consciously, for being so stupid and slipped out of bed to go take a shower. His ass was still sore, a dull pulsing that made walking uncomfortable. He was sticky and could feel where Dean's cum had dripped down and dried, it was a disgusting dry patch along his legs. He hadn't been happier in weeks.

The steam that covered the mirror and the wet floor of the shower told Sam that Dean hadn't gotten up that much earlier than himself. He turned on the water and let the shower run for a bit to get warm, before stepping in. The sparkle of heat along his entire body made Sam sigh contently, arching his neck toward the shower head to wet all of his hair, enjoying the pleasant warmth of the water. He was still scrubbing the cheap motel shampoo into his hair when he heard the key turn in the lock and heard his brother walk into the room.

"Sammy?" he heard Dean call out.

"Hey, what'd you get?" he answered back, rinsing the suds out of his hair and face, watching the soapy water slip down the rusty drain.

"Just some bagels and coffee, we gotta get back on the road if we're going to get to Iowa in time." Sam immediately felt unsettled, a sense of unease settling in the pit of his stomach. He turned off the water and grabbed the towel, drying himself off hastily and then slinging it around his waist and walking out into the room where his brother stood in front of the window.

"Dean?" But his brother kept his back to him instead of answering, chewing on his bagel and sipping his coffee while staring out the curtains of the window, eyes skittering over the few cars that drove down the otherwise sleepy street. Sam didn't know what to do; if Dean was having a freak-out then Sam knew that he had to slap some sense into him. He just hoped that it wasn't going to have to get that literal.

"Dean, look at me." He pleaded, walking up behind his brother slowly, cautiously.

"What do you want from me Sam?" Dean asked, still staring out at the now empty street.

"For you not to leave me." The truth would work better than sugar coating it all. The thing he feared the most was his brother walking out on him, of going away and never coming back. He was scared of never seeing his brother again, and it was that fear that kept him from forgoing any of his feelings, making him avert his eyes before Dean caught him staring, made him pull his hand away if it lingered a few seconds too long. It's what kept him from grabbing his brother and hissing _mine_ at anyone that tried to lure his brother away; kept him in the motel room, waiting and counting the seconds, while his brother went out to the bar to pick up girls.

It may have been fucked up, the way that things were turning out, but Sam really didn't care, all he wanted and ever needed was Dean, and he'd be damned if he let Dean walk out of this one. He'd wanted this for far too long.

"Why would I leave you Sam?" Sam looked up into his brother's eyes as he finally turned to face him, caught the blank look that meant his brother's walls were up, his defenses at full throttle, and he sighed.

"Because of what we did, Dean you can't leave me. _Please._" He saw a flicker of something cross his brother's jade eyes before the walls came back up. Was that sadness? Desperation? Or was he just deluding himself? What if Dean really did hate him, just wanted to leave the second a chance was presented? His heart clenched as the seconds ticked by, his brother's hesitation letting panic and desperation settle themselves in.

"I'm not going to leave Sam, alright? I'm not, but if we don't leave more people in Iowa are going to go missing, so come on, pack your bags." He didn't miss how his brother skirted the subject, how he turned away quickly and moved towards the table, and the only thing he could think to do was grab Dean's arm. His arm's action slowly caught up to him, and he thought about dropping his hand, letting Dean go, but then he realized that if he did that, he would be letting go of everything that had happened, of what had formed itself, and he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Sam let go of my arm." Dean said, trying to pull his arm away, but Sam just tightened his grip and stepped up closer.

"No, I'm not letting you walk out of this Dean. Not this time." He watched as his brother's shoulder's tensed and his whole body went rigid.

"Let go of my arm Sam." He didn't miss the slight desperation in Dean's words, the slight pleading tone of his brother's voice that if he weren't Dean's brother, if he hadn't known Dean like the back of his hand, he would have missed it.

"No." And Sam flipped him around suddenly, so they were flush up against each other, and he caught the look that was in his brother eyes before the walls flew back up again, and he breathed a mental sigh of relief as he lifted Dean's chin up and lowered his mouth to his brother's.

He just meant to brush their lips together, but then Dean made a strangled noise in the back of his throat and crushed their lips together, opening his mouth and letting his tongue coerce Sam's mouth open. It was all desperation and pent up desire, teeth clashed as their tongues battled almost violently. Dean's hands wound themselves in Sam's too long locks, and Sam's fingers found themselves trying to grab purchase in his brother's too short blonde hair. Sam moaned and tried to push himself closer, always closer because it was never enough, it would never be enough, never be close enough to Dean.

He felt it, knew it would happen seconds before it did. He felt how his brother went tense, how his lips and tongue stilled, and when he pulled away trying to catch his breath, Sam wanted to whimper in frustration, as his brother pulled away and held himself at arm's length.

"_Goddamn it_ Sam!" Dean exclaimed, running a hand through his hair as he turned away, causing Sam to see his brothers back yet again. Sam only flinched slightly at the unexpected yell, but he knew enough to give Dean some space, if he were to try and get close he would only succeed in pushing him farther away. So he stood while Dean paced only several feet away, all the while desperately wanting to feel the warmth of Dean's plump lips against his.

"What are you trying to do huh? I'm fine goddamn it! Just stop it already. Just please stop already, it's not going to make me feel better!" he heard the hint of hysteria creeping along with Dean's words, and he let their meaning soak in as Dean spun around to face him, eyes wide and angry. _Hurt_. And all this only made Sam even more confused, not entirely understanding what the hell was going on, until it all clicked, and he felt like laughing, loud and crazy, because man this was just unbelievable.

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He could practically see the light-bulb flash above Sam's head, eyes widening and Dean wanted to snort. Like he didn't know what Dean was talking about.

What he didn't entirely expect was Sam walking back up to him, and he barely backed up two steps before his brother was pressing a light kiss to his lips. And Dean was mad at the instant urge he had to just open his lips and let his tongue touch Sam's, let everything unravel, but he steeled himself and kept his face blank and lips tight as his brother lowered his head so Dean could see into his eyes. His hazel eyes that were warm and held slight frustration and amusement; this was funny to him?

"Is that what you think? You think I'm doing this because I want to make you feel better, because you somehow made me?" Sam asked as he placed small chaste kisses to his lips before moving to his neck, and Dean felt his knees go weak, and heard his breathe as it hitched in his chest.

"Because Dean, god that's not why, that is so not why." and he brought his head back up so he and Dean were face to face, forehead to forehead.

"Oh really?" Dean scoffed, but even he could hear the breathlessness in his voice. "Then why?"

Sam breathed out and averted his gaze for a few seconds, eyes traveling over Dean's face before flicking back up to meet his eyes, and Dean almost forgot how to breathe at the softness he saw in his baby brother's eyes. He couldn't believe just how warm and loving they were, and he wanted to drown in them, to lose himself in his brother, and that alone scared him. At the desperate need, at how much he wanted Sam, how much he needed to learn every single inch of his brother that he had yet to learn.

"Because I love you, you idiot; because I'm so in fucking in love with you. Goddamn it Dean I love you so much, so beautiful…" And then Dean really did forget how to breathe, and before he could change his mind, before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned in and kissed those lips that haunted him in his dreams. This time it was soft and sweet, tongues softly stroking and exploring, curling around each other, and the whimpers Sam was making was enough to get anyone hard in five seconds flat.

Dean moved his hand that was gripping Sam's hip tightly lower, removing the towel that was covering him. He lowered his head to lick up his brother's chest, feeling the hard muscles jump underneath his lapping tongue, caressing every inch that was Sam. He was learning and exploring everything he couldn't last night, feeling and seeing everything that was in front of him. He lowered themselves down on the bed as he stripped out of his clothes- so fast he probably broke several world records- and latched his mouth back onto Sam's, slipping his knee in between his brother's, making Sam moan and buck up, trying to get the friction that he needed. He lowered his head, sucking in Sam's rapid pulse point as he adjusted their hips, aligned them so that they were slick up against each other.

Moaning they both ground against the other, slick heat against slick heat so unbelievably good. The need to come getting closer and closer, and before he could regret it, Dean stopped and reached over to the nightstand where the lube from last night lay still. He squirted a generous glob onto his fingers coating his dick, slicking himself. He forced himself to stop and move back in between Sam's legs, lifting his hips up as he slowly pushed into his brother who was still slightly stretched, making it easier to slip in.

This time Sam let him go slow, let Dean ease into him as they both felt the pleasure shiver into their bodies, never once breaking eye contact. And then Dean thrust his hips in long, slow, torturous thrusts, eyes never leaving his brothers until he hit Sam's prostate and his brother threw his head back, moans getting increasingly louder as he tried to speed up their movements. Dean smirked slightly and threw his own head back as the blissful silky heat of his brother squeezed around him, and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting faster into Sam if his life depended on it.

"God, Dean." Sam moaned, opening his eyes and finding his brothers.

"Just call me Dean." Dean said breathlessly, and Sam's chuckle was cut off by another moan as Dean bit down Sam's neck, nibbling and sucking in his brother's tanned skin.

"_God _so good Sammy." Moan roughly escaping his throat and he reached down to stroke his brother's untouched cock as he felt himself getting closer and closer, wanting to bring Sam over the edge with him. And with several strokes and rough thrusts later they were both coming, screaming out each other's names, as Dean filled his brother and Sam coated both their stomachs.

His brother pulled out of him slowly, making Sam wince a little at the loss. They just stared at each other for awhile, Sam didn't know if was minutes, seconds or hours, but eventually Dean laid down next to him, arm splayed out over his chest, breathing in deeply as they both laid there staring at the ceiling.

"So does this mean you're not going to freak out and leave?" Sam asked lightly, smiling when Dean chuckled and got up, coming back several seconds later with a wet wash cloth and he wiped Sam and himself down, discarding it on the floor as he curled back up against the warmth of his brother.

"Yes, it means I'm not going to freak out and leave." And they both fell asleep to the thrum of their hearts, as they beat as one against the other.

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_So i wonder if i made it obvious who is the one getting pregnant? lol now that all of the get-together chapters are done the holy-shit-what-the-hell chapters y'all have undoubtedly been waiting for is up next! Review and tell me what you think! i wanna hear what you like/hate, and your random thoughts while reading my fic ^^ And just in case anyone didn't know i am updating on Wendsdays. So just a random fact: **It's my birthday this Friday! **I'm so happy and excited but sad because my friend is going to have surgery tomorrow and i'm undoubtedly going to worry lik hell even if it's just for her molars XD_


	3. Ch3 And the answer is

_Okay slightly shorter than the other chapters im sorry about that. Im also sorry about such a late update! It was finals week and i had just a very hectic several weeks of studying and then planning for the holidays and -.- im so sorry! TT^TT especially because im probably not going to be poting the other chaps that you all missed and try to keep to my schedule. It would mess with the planning and i have lots to worry about already. Sorry! T^T but anyways i hope you enjoy despite the sad news *hopeful smile* I'll try to make it up to you by posting a holidy fic :D its weechesters so ^^_

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Sam isn't really sure when he starts thinking it. It could have been when he couldn't get a descent night's sleep, tossing and turning until his eyes started to close at dawn. Or it could have been when he refused to eat at certain places because the _sight_ of them made him want to puke, and no fucking _way_ was he going in them. Then again it was more than likely the thought hit him when he found himself puking his guts up into the less than clean toilet bowl for the sixth morning in a row.

Okay, so Sam doesn't think that _when_ the thought formed itself into his head is so important, only that it's there now and he has to deal with it. So he forms a plan in his head as he harshly brushes his teeth, trying to chase the acrid taste of bile and left over dinner from his mouth with minty freshness.

Dean is still asleep. For a reason Sam cannot understand, Dean has slept straight through all six of his throw up sessions. Now Dean is a light sleeper; it was drilled into them at a young age to wake up at nearly every sound that was out of the ordinary. It was instinct, and Dean is scarily in tune to anything Sam related. So Dean sleeping through the sounds of Sam retching into the toilet bowl is confusing.

Sam shakes his head as a sigh escapes his lips. Now is not the time to be contemplating his brother's big sleeping escapade, he's only distracting himself from the main problem here. He rinses the toothpaste out of his mouth with a few swishes of water, the cool liquid welcome in his parched mouth, and fits into his cleanest clothes and slips on his jacket. A quick check that his fly is indeed up and he's out the door, fresh air of the morning cool against his skin.

Taking the Impala would only alert Dean to his departure, and yeah, Sam could lie about where he was going, but when he came back Dean would want to know what was in the bag and then they'd have some problems. The store wasn't too far from the motel where they were staying anyways, and that aside, Sam loved the mornings. Loved the crispness of the air, the peaceful feeling that he would get walking out when the sky was neither bright nor dark, it was the in between. Taking a deep breath of fresh air Sam walked into the small grocery store and noticed it was jam packed; it took him all of five seconds before he saw the dancing turkeys on the wall and remembered that Thanksgiving was a week away.

At least he'd get cover; people would be more than likely focusing on their shopping than notice the six foot four man sneak into the feminine needs section and shuffle over to the pregnancy tests. Sam's eyes widened as he saw that there was at least three dozen different tests all lined up on the shelves. He didn't even want to begin to fathom the differences between them all, so he simply grabbed two handfuls of each different brand he saw and dodged out of the aisle and over to a cash register where a harassed looking teenager rang up the items of a mother of five. As the kids kicked and screamed by their mother's feet the lady simply stared hard at the items were being rung up one by one. She looked like she was at the point where she just let them do whatever the heck they wanted, and Sam watched with a sort of morbid fascination as the mother herded all her kids out of the store.

When it was Sam's turn he noticed the look the girl gave him when she saw his items, and he blushed red and waited impatiently for her to ring them all up. When he saw the price flash on the screen behind the girl his eyes widened but he nevertheless pushed the money at her, grabbed his bag, and bolted. When he was back out in the cool morning air, he took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing nerves. They seemed to be running all over the place, and he shook himself back into sanity and made his way back to the motel and a hopefully still sleeping Dean.

*SPN/*

It wasn't like it was rocket science, but he was so nervous and jittery that he had ended up breaking the first test, and the second time he accidentally flushed it down the toilet. He was just glad that it didn't clog.

When he was done with the third test he set the timer that had come with the first and sat on the bathroom floor, waiting out the longest five minutes of his life. He had chosen the one that used words instead of the signs or smiley faces, purely so that he wouldn't waste a half a second deciphering it.

He couldn't sit still, his nerves dancing all over the place. He wanted to stand and pace, but when he did it made the wait that much more worse, so he sat back down and leaned his chin on his upraised knee. He picked at his nails, he pushed his hair back, he made a bitchy face at the sink where the test was laying. When he was sure that he would go completely insane from all the never ending waiting, the little ding from the timer, telling him his five minutes were up, rang loudly in his ears. Sam took a deep breath and crawled over to the sink; his eyes shut tightly as he reached up and grabbed the test. He braced himself and peeked open an eye trying to read the tiny print that was blinking up at him from the screen.

And the small plastic test made a dull clink as it fell dramatically to the floor.

_Pregnant._

*SPN/*

He was pretty sure he was in shock. His mind was blank yet receiving so many random thoughts all at once that all he could to was stare at the wall ahead of him and try and process what he just read on the damn piece of plastic. _Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant_ the words flittered into his head every other millisecond and he was starting to get this very annoying twitch every time it repeated. He didn't' even want to think about how the hell this was possible, because last time he checked, he was a guy, even had the dick to prove it.

He chuckled humorlessly and thought about just how screwed he was. His and Dean's new found relationship had literally just started, how the hell was he supposed to tell Dean that he'd knocked his little brother up and expect him to a) believe it, and b) stay and not run the fuck away? The sad thing was, though, that Sam wouldn't really blame him. At least, not right now.

Sam crawled over to where the test still lay on the floor, that evil word mocking him as it blinked back up at him. This was a mistake right? Maybe the test was faulty, like a false positive. He knew, even as the thought first popped into his mind, that he was kidding himself.

The big question here, aside from the obvious 'how the hell?' was how was he supposed to tell Dean? He figured that the sooner the better, and if Dean decided to leave, than Sam would make sure Dean was far down the road before the tears kicked in.

*SPN/*

When Dean woke up he noticed two things. One, Sam wasn't in bed, his side long since cold. And two, the bathroom door was wide open and small little boxes were scattered everywhere. From the middle of the small bathroom to the middle of the room, small boxes of different colors and slightly different sizes littered the slightly grimy floor. It took him three seconds to notice Sam's large form huddled in a corner clutching something in his large hand. He could tell that something was wrong before he even saw his brother's face, and when Dean got up and knelt in front of his brother it took Sam a few minutes before he snapped out of whatever he was in and noticed his brother. He jerked back at first, on instinct, before he collapsed into Dean, who fell back on his butt in surprise at the sudden weight.

"Sammy? What's wrong?" he asked after he settled them into a more comfortable position on the floor, Sam's head cradled comfortably in Dean's lap.

"Sam?" Dean was worried now, and when all that Sam did was hand Dean what he had been clutching for dear life, Dean just stared at the white form and the word that took up the entire screen.

"Sam, what is this?" he asked after ten incredibly long seconds.

"Well Dean, that's called a pregnancy test and when you p-"

"Yeah I know what a pregnancy test is smart ass but what are you doing with them all?" Dean asked, voice coming out slightly sharper than he intended, his irritation and confusion seeping out of him before he could even begin to tell himself to reel it all back in.

"I've been sick remember? Well you wouldn't know about the hurling, because you slept through it all but today was the sixth morning in a row that I spent in front of the damn toilet." Sam jerked his head, with a scowl on his lips, towards the direction of the porcelain bowl.

"And then I got this idea, the signs were there you know? Fatigue, nausea, dizziness, then the morning sickness started and I got suspicious." Sam paused, and Dean just sat there, hand stroking Sam's hair purely on instinct, because Dean was on auto pilot and his mind was blank as his brother retold his story.

"Well this morning while you were sleeping I slipped out and went to the grocery store, bought out almost a whole shelf, and then I got back here, took the test, and **BAM!** According to the piece of plastic there I'm pregnant." It took Dean a while to figure out Sam had stopped talking, and then his lips started moving before his mind could even begin to tell him to fill the silence.

"But couldn't it have just been a false positive? Maybe you just have a bug or something and –

"Yeah see I thought you'd say that," Sam interrupted "and I thought that at first too, so that's why I took another one, and then another, and then a few more after that. They're lying in a pile over there." Sam jerked his chin again, disturbing the comfortable spot his head was in on Dean's lap, as Dean's eyes followed the motion and saw a small pile over by the bathroom door.

"And they all say…"

"Positive."

"Oh…" Dean was pretty sure he would be gaping right now if it weren't for the fact that his face muscles automatically masked his face into a blank slate.

"Oh? That's what your genius mind came up with? _OH?_" Dean looked down at Sam in surprise.

"Well what the fuck am I supposed to say? I just found out I knocked up my baby brother! You come up with something better!" and Dean winced when he realized how dumb his answer was. Damn, damn da-

"Oh, well poor Dean!" Sam's face twisted in sarcastic pity, into a sneer that Dean wasn't used to seeing pointed towards himself. His eyes widened. "**I'm** the one knocked up here remember? It's **your** fault that this happened anyway!"

"**My** fault? How the hell is this **my **fault?"Dean shot back, face twisting up in anger.

"If you just used a goddamn condom we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that I'd knock up my **brother**?" At some point they had bothed jumped away from the other, stance just one step away from a fighting stance. Nearly identical green eyes glared from their spot, anger sharp in both. Sam stayed silent after that, something flickering behind the wall anger, before he shut his eyes and ran out of the motel room, door slamming harshly in his wake. Leaving Dean to curse himself for being such an insensitive asshole and run after his brother.

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So i know Dean was a jack ass huh? TT^TT still love me?


	4. Ch4 Apologies to be made

_I did it again didn't I? TT^TT SORRY! i got distractd and when i tried to edit it, it just didnt feel right, but today it was, like, a miracle! editing was so much easier and i made it real good... **I** think so anyway. what do y'all think? i believe i promsied something for the Christmas holiday? i did start writing but i couldnt finish it -.- sorry, i hope this chap kind of makes up for that? _

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"Damn it!" Dean's clenched fist made a harsh thud as it connected with the steering wheel, blood pulsing sharply as a shock of pain ran up through his arm. Dean ignored it though, ignored the fact that he'd just hurt his baby and that his knuckles were throbbing painfully, ignored the fact that his ass was numb from sitting in his car for so long and that he had a steady violent pulsing hitting him at the sensitive spot behind his eyes. He needed to take a fucking chill pill he knew that, because if he couldn't think straight there was no way he'd be able to find Sammy. So he slowly unclenched his fist, fingers of his left hand idly rubbing over the aching knobs of his knuckles, and let out a shaky breathe.

When he'd run out of that motel door he had every single intention of going to his brother, explain what the hell was going through his mind, that he didn't mean what his words sounded like, but the second he'd placed one foot out the door he knew the first thing he was going to see was not his brother. And he was right. There had been no sign of Sam, none what so ever, and worry nagged sickeningly at his stomach so bad that he could practically feel it coil tightly within him. A being all on its own.

His first thought was to run in the only direction his brother could have possibly gone, the adrenaline pumping harshly through his veins clouding his judgment, and it took him running half way down the street before he realized just how stupid that plan was. So he'd jogged his way back towards the motel and hopped into the Impala, and not even the beautiful purr of his girl was enough to calm his spiking bundle of nerves. Driving in the Impala was supposed to make finding Sam that much easier, the town was so small that Dean would have to have been blind not to pick his brother out immediately. Except Dean's been driving through this godforsaken town for nearly three hours, and if Dean had been crawling up the wall with worry three hours ago, he was going mad with it now. Considering that this town was nearly the smallest they'd ever been in, you'd think that it'd be easy to find his six foot four sasquatch of a brother, but for all the luck Dean was having Sam might as well have been all of two feet tall.

He felt his slightly trembling hand run through his short spiky hair, could feel the burn of his lungs trying to regulate his breathing, and it wasn't until the world started to swim did he realize he was hyperventilating and Dean cursed as he sharply pulled the car over. He was losing his composure, the edges of his mask slipping, cracking along the delicate seams that had taken so long to sow together.

After his breathing was back to normal and he had his composure back he reminded himself that he was a Winchester and Dean fucking Winchester does _not_ have a goddamn panic attack. That aside this was still all his fault, and maybe he deserved to freak out just a bit since his pregnant _brother_ was out here somewhere and the only reason he was even out by himself was because Dean had been a total fucking tool. Looking back on it all Dean kind of wishes Sam had taken a swing at him, because maybe then he would have been able to get it together enough to think straight and stop all this from happening. It wasn't Sam's fault that he was pregnant, both of them couldn't have known that this would happen, but that gave Dean no right to go off and just…

Dean looked skyward -roof of the Impala cutting off his view of the sky- like maybe God would cut him some fucking slack just this once, his eyes shut briefly and when he looked back down the most obvious thought popped into his head. And with a frustrated shake of his head, Dean put the Impala in drive and pulled out of the parking lot, tires squealing against the concrete.

Thoughts were running through his head on high speed, flashing way too quickly for him to even realize what they were. Driving was a task made impossible, and Dean was surprised his hands weren't shaking by then. From worry, from shock at just how fucking stupid he is, and from the fact that he didn't really know where Sammy was and that thought was enough to make Dean's fingers clench down on the steering wheel, a shocking white bleeding into his knuckles. It didn't take long to pull into the parking lot –like he said, _really_ small town- and it was seconds later that he was pulling the keys out of the ignition and the purr stopped. He sat there for what felt like an eternity, staring straight ahead of him at his destination. He felt like he was headed towards his own death sentence. But the thought that Sammy might be inside, was enough to have Dean scrambling with the handle and pulling himself out of the car.

Dean slammed the car door closed, winced, and walked uneasily up the steps. He reached up to open the door, shadow of his hand dimming the bronze sheen of the doorknob, when his hand paused suddenly, just a breath away. Dean hoped to God that Sam was here, because he would rather have Sam beat the living shit out of him, knowing his brother was alright, rather than not know and drive himself into insanity. So with one deep breath and a quick mental shake, Dean grabbed the door knob and opened the door slowly.

The room was dark, the only light sneaking its way through the closed curtains and the door Dean was standing slightly in front of. When is eyes adjusted they settled on his brother, and as much as he would deny it he just barely just stopped himself from tackling his brother and running his fingers all over Sam's body to make sure all was right. Seeing Sam sitting there on the bed, head cradled in his large hands, had relief flooding his every sense calming all of his racing nerves. Dean barely registered that he was closing the door, the soft click that echoed lightly throughout the room and absence of light was the only indicator.

He didn't know the first thing he should say to express just how goddamn sorry he was, how much of a selfish blind sighted idiot he had been, but his legs were already moving, one foot in front of the other, until he was standing in front of his distraught brother. He felt his knees touch the sticky and oddly colored carpet as he sank down into a crouch at Sam's feet, wincing at the slight crackling sound his knees made. Hesitantly he raised his hand to touch the back of one of Sam's hands that were clenched into tight fists in his hair. When his brother didn't pull away or snarl at him, Dean took it as a good sign and before he lost the courage, his mouth was opening and a flood of words tumbled out.

"Sammy, you know I didn't mean it like that right? I was just—I was just being an idiot, as usual. Look, Sammy, you just caught me off guard and I _know_ I handled that all wrong, there were at least a hundred other _right_ things to say at that moment and apparently my brain chose that moment to go blank. I didn't mean to be a tool, it's just—God have I mentioned that I'm an idiot? I- I'm sorry Sammy, really fucking sorry and I—" A soft chuckle stopped the word vomit that had been pouring obscenely out of Dean's mouth. Dean looked up, eyes sharp with confusion because he was pretty sure now was not the time to laugh, because _dammit_ Dean was on his fucking knees _apologizing_, and Sam should so _not_ be laughing. But then saw his baby brother peeking up at him from under the curtain of his hair, hazel eyes twinkling in amusement, that lost look not entirely leaving his eyes. It was like a punch to the gut because Dean could feel the air leave him in a rush. That look was enough to make his blood boil in anger. _He _had put that look there, _he _had hurt Sammy. He opened his mouth again, to apologize, to rant on his stupidity, he wasn't sure what for, but Sam beat him to it, opening his lips faster and speaking.

"I know you're sorry Dean, and I think we both over-reacted." His hands unfurled and they lay in his lap, fingers fidgeting, twisting around each other and picking at his cuticles. "This is some crazy shit. I think that if you had been calmer then I'd be more freaked out." Sam left out the part where he'd been hoping Dean wouldn't leave him. Left out the part where he had hoped Dean would take control of the situation; tell him what in the Hell was going on. It was the not knowing that was driving him towards the edge, it was the fact that this had caught them both off guard, that shook him up.

"But, Sam I-"

"Dean…. Can you just- Can you promise me something?" Slightly unsettled by the desperate look in his Sam's eyes, Dean could really do nothing more than stare at him for a few seconds before he could answer him. It's wasn't out of hesitation -because he would do _anything _for his Sammy- but because he had absolutely no clue what was going on in that head of his, and he didn't like that.

"Of course Sammy, anything." His brother looked at him for a few seconds before he ducked his head down, looking at the spotted carpet and hiding behind the curtain of brown that fell over his eyes.

"Just please don't- don't leave me. I wouldn't be able to do anything without you and-" Dean leaned forward and closed his mouth over his brother's, swallowing the words that he didn't need to hear. Dean could feel the tension leave Sam's shoulders, could feel the plain _relief _that radiated off of him.

Their tongues licked into each other's mouths, over plush lips and shining teeth then settled for tangling together lazily, their lips moving together in harmony, as one. The pressure was soft and gentle, meant for comfort, the relief pooling into their bellies and the sense of calm spreading through veins, familiar. After hands trace every line of faces, running through hair and cupping necks, roaming and searching, Dean broke the kiss with a gasp of much needed air. He looked up and watched as his brother unconsciously licked his lips, eyelashes fluttering for one breathless moment before they opened slowly and immediately locked onto his brother's gaze.

So much was said with that one endless look, so much expressed that words would seem weak and pathetic in comparison. It spoke of love and of trust, of relief and comfort. Their foreheads pressed together, skin warm and slick with drops of sweet smelling sweat. Dean lightly traced up his brother's side, fingers traveling up muscled abs and heated skin, reveling in the feel of the shiver that spun its way through Sam, and in the goose bumps that followed.

"I would never leave you Sammy." Dean's fingers ran through his brother's hair, threading through small tangles, pinkies brushing over the back of Sam's neck. "Never_._ I could _never_ do that to you…" Fingers tracing the line of Sam's jaw. More shivers shuddering down his spine. Heat smoothing through Dean's body "..to me. God you _know_ that Sammy. I-I love you so much." Dean's eyes shut, forehead rolling against his brother's, words a sigh breathed into Sam's mouth.

That was the first time Dean had said that to him since all of this started. They weren't exactly a touchy feely family, and Sam could count on one hand the amount of times Dean had spoken those words to him since Sam had passed the age of 9. But Sam knew his brother spoke _I love you _to him in so many different ways, in the way he slung his arm over Sam's shoulder, fingers dangling just above his chest, and in the way he had always gotten Sam what he needed, what he wanted. In the way he spoke that nickname Sam didn't necessarily hate, the way his eyes soften and smolder, in the way he puts Sam before anything, even before himself. It's spoken so clearly in the way he teases him, in the way he knows just what his brother is thinking. These and so many more gestures and habits that are as familiar as Sam is with breathing, they speak so clearly to him, so loud and acknowledged. To others though, those gestures of love may seem small but the meaning was always so loud and clear if you thought to penetrate the surface. Sam reveled in the fact that those gestures, those loud spoken words of _I love you_ were just for him. Always for Dean's Sammy.

Warmth flooded his chest, spread slow and lazy throughout his veins, from his toes to his fingertips, traveling to his eyes that shone so brightly in the darkness as he grinned up at Dean. Smile so bright and true, ten thousand watts and then some, and Dean felt his lips twitching into a smile of his own, love spelled out so clearly in his eyes as they softened and crinkled around the edges. Dean slid his forehead down, tracing the line of Sam's jaw with the tip of his tongue, nipping at the pulse point just at his brother neck, lips smirking when he heard Sam draw in a quick breath. His head met Sam's shoulder and he paused, breathing in the scent of clear sweat and of that seriously expensive shampoo his brother always insists on buying even though Dean threatens that there was going to be a repeat performance of the Nair Incident.

"I'm sorry Sammy, so sorry." Dean whispered into his brother's shirt, head nuzzling Sam's shoulder in a way that makes Sam sure Dean's not aware of it.

Sam feels the heat of his brother's body, feels the patch of stubble on Dean's chin where he missed while shaving, see's the back of his neck and half of his shadowed face, and he breathes in the smell of oil and fast food, of leather and the hint of musky sweat, and it is just so perfectly _Dean. _On too many occasions he's fallen asleep to that smell, the only source of comfort he'd really ever had, and he wants this moment to go on for an eternity. Wants to be able to stay in this room and never have to face the ugly truth of the evil that lurks just behind them, he wants to be able to keep his brother with him and never let him go… to be _safe._

The fight had been stupid, both of them too scared and shocked by the news to have ever had the hope of thinking straight and handling this in any way shape or form. Sam knows that even though Dean has no fucking clue about what's going on, that he'll take care of Sam in every single way that he can. His brother will take care of him, and Sam's independent streak aside, he knows that he loves it when Dean took care of him, even though Sam doesn't always agree with how he does it. He also knows that Dean loves taking care of him, that they both gave and took the same amount, a cycle that had started before Sam was even able to speak. They'd figure this out soon, but right now—right now he wants to enjoy this moment, he wants to lose himself in the feel of his brother's touch and forget about all the crap that they'd have to deal with eventually.

Sam tilted his brother's chin up and ducked down to meet Dean's sinful lips halfway, tongue seeking solace in the heat of his brother's mouth. Their lips started out slow, gentle and sweet comfort, the heat held at bay until Sam coerced his brother's tongue into his mouth and sucked, feeling Dean's answering growl shudder through him. And like a switch flipped, Sam could feel Dean's callus rough hands tangle in his hair, could hear the loud clink as their teeth clashed and their kiss was consumed in a mess tongues battling and deep moans. Sam could feel his stomach twist uncomfortably, coil and tighten enough to make his eyes squeeze tighter together. Dean, oblivious, took advantage of his brother's momentary pause and took control, flipping them around and laying himself over Sam, hips pushed together. The spark of white hot heat was enough for Sam to ignore the coiling tightness in his stomach and thrust up, moaning even louder as their lips broke apart and Dean's hands slipped under his shirt, tracing hard muscles that twitched under his touch.

Sam's throat tightened, taste of bile climbing up his throat higher and higher. His body tensed, and Dean paused, head lifting up, eyes trying to meet Sam's. But Sam didn't wait for that, he pushed his brother off to the side and scrambled off the bed, nearly diving into the small bathroom. Throwing the lid up off of the gleaming bowl and hurled.

* * *

The world tilted to the left when his brother's body tensed beneath him. Rug pulled up from underneath him, world turning upside down, whatever you what to call it, it doesn't really matter, but Dean had only eve felt like this two times. One of those times being when Sam told him he was going off to California. Needless to say it didn't exactly bring back happy and fluffy memories for him. His hands stilled where they were on Sam's stomach, his muscles locked and he stopped breathing. So many scenarios of Sam telling him he couldn't do this anymore, that he'd only done this for Dean, that he was leaving… they all flooded his brain and Dean could feel every single thought like a punch to his gut. The pain seeped in through the cracks in his mask, the seams coming apart again, slowly unthreading themselves, and then his world was literally tilting. The mattress dipped as his body sunk into it limply, Sam scrambling off the bed and into the bathroom before his brain could even register beyond the sudden emptiness of his hands, the absence of warmth. Then he heard the horrible sounds of retching, saw sounds of coughs and groans. Dean felt his heart twist and he hurried over to the bathroom, flipping on the switch and watching as Sam's only reaction was to wince and hack up again.

Dean could feel the skin around his eyes tighten and his lips stretch themselves thin. He walked over and knelt behind his brother, one hand brushing the hair away from his eyes and the other rubbing soothing lines up and down his brother's back. Dean winced as he felt the vibrations of his brother's coughs and violent hurling; it made his own stomach twist. It didn't last long, only a few seconds that felt stretched into hours, an eternity of a clenching gut and helplessness. Not being able to do anything but rub his brother's back was killing Dean on the inside, the urge to do something, _anything_ ,was so strong that it hurt. When it was finally over Sam leaned his head against the side of the bowl, the fact that it was a strange toilet in a cheap motel apparently lost on him. The light was insanely bright, harsh white making his eyes squint slightly. He noticed just how pale his brother was, the circles under his eyes and the sweat drenching his face. The pang hit him full on again, like a gunshot ripping through his chest.

Soon Sam's breathing evened out, just a hint of color seeped back into his face. The worry didn't leave, if anything the fact that Sam was so quiet now, made it worse.

"You okay now Sammy?" Dean hates how rough his voice sounded, how his voice broke slightly when he reached his brother's name. His brother stood silent, eyes shut tight and hair sticking to his sweaty face. The continued silence was eating at Dean, and he was literally a few seconds from doing something _very _stupid, when Sam lifted his head with a slight nod of his head. He inhaled deeply and pushed himself up, Dean's hand automatically latching itself onto Sam's elbow. Sam looked down at his brother's hand and the hint of a smile ghosted over his lips, before he looked away and shook his head exasperatedly.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking myself over to the sink, Dean." He muttered, but made no move to shake Dean's hand off. Dean's lips twitched.

"I know, but I can't have you tipping over now can I?" Sam ran the water and rinsed his mouth out several times, mouth twisting into a frown every so often as he swirled the water in his mouth. He flipped the knob off and ran his wet hands over his face and through his hair, grabbing the towel Dean handed him without having to look over.

"Make me sound like a cow, 'm not even getting a bump yet and already with the compliments." Sam muttered sarcastically, voice muffled by the thin towel and Dean just looked up and grinned into the mirror, knowing –without having to check- that Sam's hazel eyes were staring back at him.

Dean herded his brother back into the room and over to the bed, ignoring his protests of being able to handle himself as he settled back onto the slightly lumpy bed, shifting for a more comfortable spot as Dean worked on untying Sam's shoes and helping him shimmy out of his jeans. Dean made quick work of his shoes, toeing them off as he slipped in beside his brother, brown hair tickling his chin as his brother burrowed into him. He was stroking his fingers up and down Sam's arm when something occurred to him and he shifted enough not to disturb their position but just enough to look at his brother's face.

"Should I feel insulted that when we're making out you go and puke up a gut? Because I'm pretty sure I feel offended." But as his eyes were adjusting he noticed that his brother's breathing was deep and slow, and he knew that Sam had fallen asleep. It was barely three o'clock in the afternoon, but Dean settled them down into the mattress and slipped an arm around his brother's thin waist. His fingers traced patterns into his brother's hip, thumb glancing over the bony knob at his hip and smiled against Sam's hair as his brother sighed and shifter closer in his sleep. He kissed the top of his brother's head and looked at the face he already had committed to memory. Lines of worry smoothed over, Sam here, curled up under his arm, head nuzzling into his neck, made him look so young… like a child. Dean's heart clenched, because their lives had just gotten infinitely more complicated and that was just a whole door he didn't want to open yet, not now. He laid his head back and closed his eyes, losing himself in the feel of his brother's back as it moved with each breath and the warmth that spread though every nerve and vein.

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_So what'dya think? im proud of this one =w= i wanted to keep Dean as in character as possible and not going OOC like he kinda was in the chapter before i edited it. I hope i did a good job of adding to that :D Review and i shall give you a cookie, i promise ^^ _


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